The National Snape's Christmas Tree Trouble
by Velveteenbunny
Summary: A little Christmas drabble fiction created for the Christmas season. What happens when Hermione puts up Severus's tree for him? A tale about festooning for the holiday period. Warm and Fluffy with Christmas cheer and beer! AU Snape and Hermione


**Christmas EveTree Troubles**

It was Christmas Eve... Which is what is expected of this kind of holiday tale. A small house on the outskirts of Cokeworth was enshrined in darkness, where no decorations had been hung with care. Instead of stockings by the fire place that should have been gaily waiting for Santa Claus, a menagerie of grey socks hung on a fire guard becoming crispy with the heat. No tiny twinkle light's surrounded the window's thus creating an eerie coldness amongst the many Muggle celebratory twinkle lights. Mr Wilson, who had been out checking his one hundred tiny twinkle lights for the bulb that had blown the entire set, sneered at the lack of Christmas cheer across from his home.

"That man was always a bloody miser!" he declared to his wife Beverley, as she brought him hot cocoa and watched her husband peer at miniscule bulbs through his bottle neck spectacles.

"Come now John, he's alone over there, would you care to put up decorations for only yourself?"

"Humph," Mr Wilson had mumbled in reply, " I don't think he's alone over there one little bit, I swear I've seen movement and the noise of a little girl, you know the boom boom of the young people music, racket noise?" Beverley Wilson shook her head and had left her husband to his musings and bulb twiddling.

As with all Holiday tales, you would expect Beverley Wilson to be correct. That the man they were referring to was a lonely old miser, dwelling in a cold house, unaccompanied... you know like Scrooge! However, for once and to his wife's immediate surprise, Mr Wilson had been completely correct about the man to whom they had referred. He was most definitely not...alone.

"For Merlin's sake Severus. I've been saying for days about putting the decorations up, why haven't you bothered to do so yet? Here's me picking up Selina from the train, and you sat here with that nose in a book!"

Severus Snape jumped guiltily in his seat, once again he had been caught on the skive reading the latest advanced potion's text he had been saving for Christmas day. Hermione had volunteered to pick up Selina from the train so he could make a head start on the decorations...the Muggle way... the neighbours were already paying a little bit too much attention to him, more than he would have liked. He had noticed the old toad across the road twisting and peering at Muggle lights and had uttered a chortle at the old man's folly. It was obvious to Severus that a fuse in the line had blown, considering he had seen it spark whilst pretending to collect the mail, a daily ritual which he faked to endeavour to look as Muggle as possible. Now he knew he was in trouble as he shrank back from the looks of disdain he was receiving from his wife and daughter, unnervingly the same facial expression was now bearing down on him. Aside from the difference in bushy brown tresses, and the blonde lank hair with the tips of black roots beginning to appear on the scalp his wife and daughter were unnervingly the same, his looks had got lost and he thanked Merlin for that daily.

"I'm doing it now," he said slowly placing the book down and was beginning to rise with reluctance.

"Erm actually Darling you're not, I'm sending you to Tesco's for the Christmas food," Hermione suggested.

"Urgghhhh but you've got the Christmas fooooood," Severus whined like a child.

"Not the Christmas eve pie ingredient's Severus, you know they have to be fresh and I want us to have a nice family meal now that Selina is home from Hogwarts," Hermione smiled excitedly and fondly stroked her daughter's hair.

"This needs dying mum," Selina pointed at her head and then to Hermione, she sounded just like her mother, Severus would have smiled but he was still preoccupied with the thought of traipsing to Tesco in the falling snow. Grumbling further but thinking it would be better than tree decorating, he shrugged on his coat and set out into the falling flakes as Hermione began to erect the tree. Severus sniggered to himself as he walked; Hermione would have fun with that tree, after all, the stalk said ABC but the branches said Blue, Red and Green. He had purchased the Christmas ritual pine needle dropper from Mundungus Fletcher just to shut him up, as he did not care for the tree he had only inspected the boxes contents that morning and had immediately shut the lid when he realised what it would be like to erect the thing.

Tesco's of course was packed, he had expected no less..._**I as the narrator will be avoiding this store today but enough from me...**_ Severus pushed his way through the fruit and vegetable aisle gathering leeks, onions, potatoes and mushroom's before collecting the chicken, sage, cream and pastry.

_**(Narrators Note: please ask if you would like Hermione's chicken and sage pie recipe I will be happy to share...now.)**_

Severus swung through the Muggle tills and, with not so much as a Merry Christmas and good will to all men, he stomped home back through the thick blizzard. With a shiver he pushed through the front door ignoring Mr Wilson's peering face through the opposite window. Shoving into the lounge and wiping the snow from his face, Severus dropped the shopping he was holding with a large clunk and an expression of pure...Horror.

"What the bloody hell in Merlin's knickers has she done?" he gasped to himself as he laid fresh eyes upon the new erected and decorated Christmas tree. Adorning the fir green branches were the most garish set of decorations Severus had ever seen, pink and red bauble's clashed horribly with blue tinsel, atop of the tree sat a very ugly statue of a house elf, Severus was certain that the eyes followed him. He shook his shoulders in revulsion.

"Gorgeous isn't it?" Hermione smiled widely and took Severus's hand to admire her handiwork; she had missed the look of pure disgust on his face as he had altered his expression to an awkward smile when Hermione had entered the room. Severus nodded mutely his mind racing as to how to actually respond without the reaction resulting in divorce.

"MUMMMMMMMM," Selina whinged from the top of the stairs, breaking through his reverie, "Come and stick this dye on my hair I don't want a two Knut piece patch like Joanna at school,"

Hermione gave a chuckle and squeezing Severus; she kissed him lightly on the cheek and hopped off up the stairs. Still musing over the tree Severus watched her go with a cock of his head...hmmm...urgh...the tree was taunting him with its grinning baubles...Right. Severus strode towards the offending item and as quietly as possible ripped off baubles, tinsel and ribbons tossing them into a pile over his shoulder, a psychotic look on his face. You know the expression one has when tearing down a partition dry wall or ripping off an awful lamp shade. With a flick of his wand he transfigured the offending decorations into Slytherin green and silver bells, ribbons and little miniature stars. With a slightly sardonic smirk Severus began to adorn the tree as neatly as possible with his chosen decorations, each was positioned evenly to its twin, he even took the time to transfigure the ugly little house elf into a rather smart ornament of the violin to the place on its top most branch, the tiny violin played his favourite classical Christmas pieces on command. With a satisfied sigh Severus stood back and admired his handy work, with a smug smile and an 'I think I deserve a drink' tippling from his tongue Severus pulled on his cloak.

"I'm going to the pub love for a quick Christmas drink with Aberforth and Hagrid," Severus hollered up the stairs at his wife, only a muffled reply could be heard, so he wandered off into the night and apparated to the Hogshead for a swift half with the 'lads'. Since the end of the war the Hogshead had become quite a popular haunt for victims of Voldemort's reign and the Christmas tradition to meet up for 'one' (in the loosest sense of the word) Christmas drink was something Severus had maintained, purely for his enjoyment of spirit and spirits.

_**5 Ancient Oak Matured Meads, 4 Vodkas, 3 Tequilas, 2 Sambuccas and a Jack Daniels...in a Pearrrr Treeeee...later...**_

"Merry Christmas Mr Wilson, you old Bastard!" Severus gauffed as he returned to his own front door waving at the old man across the street who was digging his reindeer deeper into the frozen ground, the snow had unsettled its stance on the lawn. Mr Wilson merely gawped at his odd neighbour who was now whacking his door knob with a funny shaped stick.

"Hermionnnneeeee! Your husband is homeeee," Severus sung as he stumbled through the door and into the lounge for the second time that day..."Wahh, ohh not again!" Severus complained loudly as his eyes fell upon his beloved Christmas tree.

"Blue? Blue? Bloody Ravenclaws," The Snape family tree now glittered with blue toys, lights and little silver fairies that went up and down the tree scattering glitter, most of which was now on the living room floor. "Selina," Severus grumbled, thankfully his daughter had not had to side with either of her parents on which Hogwarts house was the best as she fully believed it was her own, Ravenclaw.

"I'm not having this," picking up the note he found on the sideboard that Selina had left; he looked over the words and pished poshed it, before throwing it in the fire.

"Gone out carolling my arse," he mumbled and set about redecorating the tree with his preferred festoons before heading back out into the cold, slightly more drunk from his decorating tipple of whiskey, to find his wife and daughter at the carolling service.

Severus snuck as quietly as he could in his inebriated state into the local church and, spotting a freshly blonde Selina, he shoved her up the pew and plopped down next to her. Selina gave him an evil grin so reminiscent of his own he wanted to giggle, but he didn't...this is church after all readers. Hermione was point blank ignoring him and he knew why, he also knew she would forgive him his sins when they left here, it was after all Christmas.

Following the carol concert the Snape family filed out of the church and trudged home past the closing shops towards their home.

"So erm Love?"

"Don't speak to me Severus, you've broken my heart changing my tree like that," Hermione said trying not to sound as heartbroken as she actually felt.

"She did it after me!" Severus pointed an accusing finger at Selina, who in response slowly pulled her wand from her pocket, silly grin on her soft features.

"You started it dad," she retorted.

"I am allowed, I am the master and head of this house and my tree goes, in fact its back up now," Severus was still a little drunk and had therefore, gone all medieval and masterful on his family.

"You said you liked my tree," Hermione broke into tears and flopped onto a nearby bench, Selina gave her dad a 'look' and sat huddled up to her mother in the wintry conditions.

"Ohhh bloody hell," Snape groaned, feeling an absolute swine he looked about him for solutions.

"Hang on a minute," **(**_**Had I been able to conjure a light bulb at this point dear reader I would have!)**_

Severus strode off into a nearby shop and immediately began to gather items into a wicker basket he had found by the door, shuffling through the last minute panic buyers, who were gathering pointless items such as extra Christmas card holders, and panicking over whether the toilet roll cover they had bought Aunty Mabel would be enough, Severus stepped back out into the street with his purchases.

"Hermione," he spoke more soberly and softly now. Hermione opened her water logged eyes to give her husband the 'evils'; instead he had presented her with the petite basket, inside containing not only gold and red ornaments, but silver, blue and green one's also.

"We should decorate our tree as a family," was all he said, very ashamed of his actions and for hurting his beautiful loving wife so.

"Where's Hufflepuff?" Hermione said through a sniff, a beam had emerged on her face and her eyes had begun to sparkle, as they had when the couple were first together.

"Erm..well.. Who wants them on our tree really?" Severus chuckled, Hermione looked appalled.

"Equality for all Houses Severus, you are a house master after all."

"Oh ok fine," Severus reached into his robes and pulled out a garish yellow cup with a smiley face on it. "This was the best I could do...its yellow...and it s a cup!"

Hermione and Selina choked on their laughter at Severus's poor effort, Hermione grabbed Severus's freezing face through her warm gloves and kissed him tenderly and stood up cuddling up to her husband and finally, the whole family held hands as they walked back through the snow towards Spinners End.

Thus our Christmas tale ends here with the Snape family decorating their tree as a unit, remember dear readers that Christmas is a time for sharing and giving, so the next time you are about to decorate the tree alone...make sure... you go and find the other bloody skivers who should be helping you decorate!

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR**_

_**Love**_

_**The Velveteenbunny **_


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